Sorrow

This time of year brings about much happiness, gratitude and joy.  For me, those feelings also come with feelings of sorrow, grief and despair at times.   God called me into a "ministry".  That I am sure of.  Though I know I followed his calling, it has been a journey.  Helping and serving others is the easy part for me.  The "not-so-easy" part for me is seeing the constant subculture of people who are suffering.  And along with that, the subculture of people who are not suffering, yet abusing the system - the people who have found themselves in a pattern of living that they either cannot rise above or do not want to. There are little words for the things that I see sometimes in a day.  The people I want to help, but can't.  Reality is, I do not mean to whine.  I know that am called to and can find joy in all circumstances.  I know I am called to be a light.  I am called to do the best I can and to show the love of Jesus to everyone I encounter.  To swallow my pride.  To remember I am not "better", only different.  To remember that we are all children of God.  I feel as though I am failing.  I feel at times that I am becoming jaded.  I feel ungrounded as though, in my day to day job, I lose the "eyes of Christ".  Honestly, I feel sometimes completely adrift in a sea of different emotions. I don't want to become judgmental, hypocritical, unlike Jesus, a Pharisee, a person without His eyes.   So here I am back.  Blogging again.  Needing to type it all out so that I can make some sense of it all.