My Flesh vs. My Desire to Please God

Romans 7:15
I don't really understand myself, for I want to what is right, but I don't do it.  Instead, I do what I hate.  

This is a verse I have ruminated on quite a bit throughout the course of my life.  It convicts and haunts me because I feel like much of my life has been spent living out this verse.   I wonder quite often what it could have been Paul did that he hated.  I know the things I do that I hate - getting aggravated and yelling at my children, time spent resenting my husband for all his time on the road, taking steps backwards in my faith when all I want to do is take steps forward.  Then there are things like becoming impatient with people at work or impatient when people's conversations take longer than I want them too.  The problem is this, these seemingly small things end up breeding bigger things.   Trust me.

This is why it is so important to daily take our junk to the cross.   Take it there and leave it there.  It seems lately that I have been wanting to hang on to my junk and I HATE when I get to that point.  I hate when I get to the point that I think my junk it too much for Jesus.  Do you have junk you think is too much for Jesus?  I know I do.  But, reality my friend is this. Nothing is too big for our Saviour!  Cry out to Him.  Find someone to share your burden with.  He loves you and cares for you.  This I know. 

Fear

Pete (our pastor) delivered a wonderful message this morning on "Fear" (crosspoint.tv)  It was so interesting to find out that the only two fears we are actually born with are the fear of falling and the fear of noises.  It seems that all of our other fears are fears that are "learned" or that we are conditioned to. 

As I meditated on fear and how we are likely to stay inside our comfort zones, it really hit home with me that I am this way with my marriage.  After 20 years of togetherness, it is easy to build up walls between each other and I realized that I am scared most of the time to let those walls down.  Opening up and allowing myself to be vulnerable to someone I have known over half my life shouldn't be that scary, yet it is. 

I am not afraid to parasail, jet ski, ride on motorcycles or fly overseas to a country I have never been to, but am afraid of opening my heart up sometimes.   It doesn't seem logical, yet it is a fear and one that I need to have enough faith to overcome. 

What are your fears?

Serving Haiti

I have an amazing opportunity to serve this coming February in Fond-des-Blanc, Haiti.  John Lovelace (a friend and one of my personal heroes) put me in contact with a group of people who are going to to Fond-des-Blanc to help work on a school building.  After putting me in contact with the group, he then pledged money to help send me.  :)   After putting much thought and prayer into it, my boss then told me she wanted to pledge some money to help me go.  Then another individual pledged more money and then another.  SO, I decided to go to an informational meeting about the trip last night (which was exciting, sort of scary in regards to aspects of the trip, but all in all, the deciding factor for me to take a step out in faith and GO.)  So, after I raise the rest of my money to go (approximately $500), I will be leaving February 8th to head to Haiti!   Exciting, scary, and a little overwhelming.  Everyone who knows me knows that my heart is in missions and so this is a very happy and humbling opportunity for me.   If you are interested in helping me make my way to Haiti this February, please message me and I will give you more information as to the aspect of the trip.   Love and blessings to all ~  Melissa

What a beautiful day today with my family walking the woods at Radnor Lake.   I asked God this morning to show Himself to me today and also give me the eyes to see.  And boy did He.  He showed Himself to me while browsing all the beautiful pumpkins, vegetables and fruit at the Farmers Market.  He showed Himself to me in moments of silence af Radnor Lake, the noise of the birds and squirrels in the woods and  hugely through the occasional bickering and MANY moments of family gut-laughing.

I count my blessings today.   I may be living in a cramped apartment, missing teaching women's Bible classes and working with Youth, and lonely for new friendships, but I am so incredibly blessed by my God.  He shows Himself to me if only I choose to see Him.  No matter what the circumstances.  

Settled?  Well, yes in the physical sort of way.   Mentally and emotionally, um....almost.   We are getting there.   This move worked out so perfectly and was smooth in so many aspects, yet I feel an underlying current of "disconnect" and a sense of not quite knowing where we belong.   God is working mightily, yet I still am a little "out of sorts".   I am sure this is normal, yet want to feel rooted.   Yet, being rooted takes much time and that is something we have not had yet.   But, it will come.   We will root and we will grow and with God's grace we will thrive here.

"He will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit."   Jeremiah 17:8

I was at a ministry luncheon meeting yesterday afternoon and an older pastor there told me to try something out.  He asked me to pull out a measuring tape to full length and plot out where I was on the tape in regards to my age with the end of the tape being the end of my life.  He uses this technique to encourage people to see how much longer they may have left to live; and, therefore, to encourage them to GET ON IT.   Do what God has called you to do.  Don't hesitate!

I must admit that I came home and tried it out.  After I got over the initial shock, it really did encourage me to LIVE.   Try it out - see what you think.  ;)

It's Football Time in Tennessee

This time of year always does, and always will, remind me of my brother.   Some of my most favorite memories are watching UT games with him or talking "play-by-play" with him over the phone during the games.   I know if God gives us our favorite-colored mansion in heaven, that Jeff's is orange.

Here's to another season of Volunteer football and to the fourth football season without my brother.  Here's to singing "Good 'ole Rocky Top" and here's to another season of growing past the grief and growing deeper and deeper spiritually.

And here's to you Jeff - It's Football Time in Tennessee!  And "give. them. six.!"

James Franklin Shields, Jr.

So, this weekend I realized I have to go back......

back to these precious children who touched my family's heart so much!

Pine Ridge 2010 - click here.  :)

Life is Good!

Quick update from the Brown House -

Love my job!  Getting paid to help feed and clothe people everyday is pretty darn cool.  :)

Kids are adjusting VERY well to school and new area.  They miss their friends back home, but I think they love being back in Nashville very much.

Apartment life is very challenging but also very simplifying.   I have definitely learned to use space to the best of my ability and its potential.  :/

Chris - working hard as usual - I am blessed.

Melissa - so happy to be back near family and longing to meet some new friends and foster some intentional Christian community.  Blessed to be part of Crosspoint North!

Chris and Melissa - started Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace and are on week 2.  Trying to save $1000 as quickly as possible for our emergency fund.  

Oh, yeah and we got finally got a Mac - see pic below!  :)

She deserves a second chance? Come on!!!

Just like many followers of POTSC I felt a little "uncomfortable" about the new campaign poster of Casey Anthony.

It brought out feelings that I did not know how to deal with.   I mean, I am the queen of needing forgiveness, grace, and second chances, but HER?  Really?  She deserved it too?   No way.......she killed her child, right?

So, just like many others, I have battled through many different feelings this week.   Did I deserve a second chance when I wasted my parents money and failed out of college the first year?  Did I deserve a second chance when I made horrid decisions during my college years?   Did I deserve a second chance when I failed miserably at my marriage?   Of course, I did!  Because I was "me" - and "I" always deserve a second chance, right?  "We" always deserve second chances, but "those people" who do really bad things, um, not so much.

My brain numbed......I had a hard time figuring this out.  I love Jesus.  I was saved at age 8.  I have done missionary work and helped out in many different ministries.  Good grief, in my job right now I love people at their worst and try and help them get back on their feet, but Casey Anthony.   Hmmm.......

I searched the Scriptures and that is what I would encourage you to do also.   Dig deep within yourself and listen to Jesus' words.  NO one is beyond a second chance and that doesn't mean just "me" and "you".  That means EVERYONE - all God's Children.   So, if the new POTSC campaign offends you or makes you angry inside, then GOOD - that's the point.   Search yourself.  Search the Scriptures and most of all remember how many second chances you have had.   Most of all, the hardest part, is remembering that Christ did not just die for you.  He died for us all, even Casey if she receives Him.

For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast.  Ephesians 2: 8-9

Ending A Chapter

Tomorrow we travel back down to Winchester to empty out the last belongings and close on our house.  I am excited to get it done and close that chapter of our lives and move onto the next.  We were so blessed to meet so many wonderful people in Winchester, but now that we are here we know that we are beginning another new and exciting chapter of our lives.   When we moved to Winchester, our marriage was completely in the dumps and we were both mentally and emotionally exhausted from many situations we had gone through.   Looking back, I can see how our time in Winchester both gave us some time of healing and also some time of battling through issues as a couple.  It also gave us the opportunity to minister to those in need in South Dakota and minister to Youth within our church.   It gave me time to learn that I really needed to show Christ's love to Chris no matter how wrong I felt he was or how right I thought I was.   I also needed to come to a point of surrendering our marriage and family to God.   Lots of Christians think they "surrender", but when it comes down to it, I don't believe many of us truly have.   True surrender involves humility and brokenness.    Our Christian life is a journey, but I can see now that he had us in a place during these past 6 years to teach us some pretty deep stuff and now we are ready to move on.   We are a little stronger and ready to be more and more radically devoted to Christ.   We struggle, but we keep moving on.

Our pastor today spoke about being a "fan" of Jesus or being a "follower" of Jesus.   Being a fan involves being "religious" and "legalistic" while being a true follower of Jesus involves being transformed daily into a closer image of Christ.    My prayer is that I keep journeying on trying to become more like Him.   My prayer for you is the same.   He has us all at different places for different reasons - just don't quit journeying on.

What more?

We knew God was up to something months big before we made our move back to Nashville.  You know that feeling?  That anxious, exciting feeling that He is working, but you just don't know what He is up to?  Well, I had that "gut" feeling for about a year before we moved, but just didn't know where He was leading us.   And now here I sit.  Here in my little apartment north of Nashville.  Here where He led us.  Here I sit with a job that God literally handed to me (thanks to some pastors from Cross Point being open to God's leading).  We know we are where we are supposed to be, yet I still feel that nudge - that "gut" feeling that He is up to more.   And quite honestly, I don't have time for that right now Lord.   I have a new challenging job and three teenagers who are transitioning into a new school system and have left all their closest friends.   I have a husband who travels, meals to cook, bills to pay and a Dad to help get moved up this way.   Yet, I still feel Him calling.  I hear Him saying "you are almost there, My child, but not quite yet."   So, here I am.   Listening.  Wanting to know what more it is He wants from me.  Is it my life story He wants me to share?   Is it our marriage story He wants me to share?   Is it a ministry He wants me involved in?   I just don't know.  So here I sit.  Here in my little apartment north of Nashville.   Listening.....

Settling

The last week has been a complete and total blur.  Seriously.  We have had a ton of things to accomplish before school starts and I begin my job tomorrow, and thankfully I "think" we are ready.  

God has been good to us.   We were blessed a welcoming meal the first night here at our apartment, things went smoothly with the transition into the apartment, and registration for the kids at school went off without a hitch.   Of course, there have been challenges with our mail being forwarded and some banking issues, but  nothing to complain about in comparison to the blessings we have received this week.  We feel at peace.  We feel at home.  We feel closer as a family and we feel "lighter".  

I am sure there will be days of feeling homesick and days full of challenges, but overall we feel sure God called us here and can't wait to meet new people, make new friends and see what all He has in store for our family! 

Barreling down the tracks......

The "move" is really hitting home now - almost in a surreal sort of way.   We are four days out from driving our moving van away from the home we have spent the last 6 years in.  There have been good and bad times, as there always are, but my focus seems to be honing in on the good the past few days.   Thinking of new friends made, porch-sitting time with my husband, times out on the lake with friends, working our butts off on remodeling this 120 year old home, homework with kids at our dining room table.  The list goes on and on......I will miss it.   But, I do know that the Lord is calling us forward for some reason - why? - I have no idea.   I am looking forward to making new memories in Hendersonville and hopefully making some new friends and spending time with old ones from Nashville that I haven't gotten to see in awhile.   God is good - He has a plan and no matter how much I wish I knew it - I don't.   And that's okay.....

I Don't Know Much

I don't know what is coming for our family.  I don't know how badly we will miss living here.  I don't know much at all right now.  But here is what I do know.......He is God.  And this is my favorite song and I choose to worship Him no matter what.

Hosanna!!!! 

My Miss the Most List about Winchester

#1.    B.J. Mathis and the most awesome yutes in the world at WCPC.  I have been so privileged and so blessed to have help serve B.J. and the youth for the past 5 years.  I will SO miss helping with the 30-Hour Famine each year.  Great times and great memories.   I love you all very much.  Love ya Beej!

The Valley of Dry Bones (Ezekiel 37: 1-14)

The past year to me has felt like wandering through a valley of dry bones.  Read Ezekiel 37: 1-14.  And these past few weeks and days I have felt myself very thirsty and dry.

During my quiet time this morning, I found myself asking "Can these bones live?".   The answer is YES - God can always bring us to a place of spiritual renewal and life.  The real question I believe is - "Do these bones want to live?".   In our journey with Christ, we definitely go through seasons of spiritual struggle - if we aren't we may need to question our growth.  But there are also times in our journey with Christ where we may feel the desire to "quit".  The past year has definitely been a time of spiritual struggle for me, and there have definitely been times where I wanted to "throw the towel in", but it is time to ask myself - "do these bones want to live?".   The answer is, and for my entire life has always been - YES.  So, today I pray for a renewal of my spirit, for a fresh wind of new life to blow through.   I pray forgiveness and grace and an outpouring of the Holy Spirit.  I pray it this morning for all of you too.

Have you ever found yourself  in the valley?  

Word of the Day

anx·i·e·ty

 - a noun

1. A feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease, typically about an imminent event or something with an uncertain outcome.

2. Desire to do something, typically accompanied by unease.

"I know that love is ultimately the only answer to mankind's problems. And I'm going to talk about it everywhere I go. I know it isn't popular to talk about it in some circles today. I'm not talking about emotional bosh when I talk about love, I'm talking about a strong, demanding love. And I have seen too much hate. I've seen too much hate on the faces of sheriffs in the South. I've seen hate on the faces of too many Klansmen and too many White Citizens Councilors in the South to want to hate myself, because every time I see it, I know that it does something to their faces and their personalities and I say to myself that hate is too great a burden to bear. I have decided to love. If you are seeking the highest good, I think you can find it through love. And the beautiful thing is that we are moving against wrong when we do it, because John was right, God is love. He who hates does not know God, but he who has love has the key that unlocks the door to the meaning of ultimate reality."  

Martin Luther King, Jr.

THE MOVE!

If someone asked me to describe my emotions and also my house at the SAME time with one word, it would have to be DISARRAY.   And one thing I don't deal well with is disarray.  I can handle clutter.  I can handle a little chaos.  I can handle even handle massive multi-tasking.   But, THIS, THIS I cannot handle.  For, you see, not only do we have to box up and move (with the obligatory and much needed yard sale), but I have to break them down into categories and different parts of the house.   The categories would be:   APARTMENT, STORAGE, YARD SALE.   I don't like this.  I don't like it a bit.  I have never had to do APARTMENT or STORAGE category before and the amount of brain work involved is obviously something I have surpassed due to old age.  :)

 So, once again, I ask for prayer.  Prayer that I won't put something very much needed into the bottom of a box that ends up in storage.  Prayer that in the midst of trying to divide said categories Chris and I will not kill each other.  Prayer that we make it through this change...........love and hugs ~ Melissa

need to breathe....

some days, many lately, i have to stop and consciously repeat this verse over and over.  It calms me, it helps me breathe and as I say it, I picture my Father holding my hand and leading me down life's uncertain pathways.  Uncertain, yet tranquil.

I know what I'm doing. I have it all planned out—plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for.   
Jeremiah 29:11 (The Message)

Letting Go......

This Old House

The last few months have been overwhelming, stressful, tiresome and sometimes just plain out exhausting.   And guess what?   I am so grateful!  I am grateful because I have been getting to really experience true life - new circumstances, a new job, teach a 16 year old boy how to drive (or maybe not), learn how to care for an elderly father, and see our finances s-t-r-e-t-c-h-e-d to an all time "stretchiness".  :)  

You see, I always have prided myself on not being attached to "things", not worrying about having the "big house", "nice car" or "having to have more", but through the last few months God has shown me the areas where I do hold onto the things of the this world and the areas where I need to let go.  He has shown me the places in my heart where I do want "more" for my kids.  Well, what is this "more" that I want for them?   Seriously?   More money, more acknowledgment, more friends, more academic success?   Not that these things are bad in-and-of-themselves, but are really the true morals I want to pass onto my children.  As my girls would say "heck-to the-no!".

I want to pass onto my children the simple things of this very short life we live.   Growing a garden, visiting with friends, listening to the people around them who need an "ear", going for walks, cooking together, being silly, learning to appreciate silence and not the constant noise of radio and TV, taking a meal to a friend in need, porch-sitting, etc.  But most of all to love their Heavenly Father.

So, all-in-all, even though the past few months have been some of the most trying of my life I have tried to listen to what the Lord is teaching me and I think I am finally starting to get it.  It will never matter how big my house is, how large my salary is or what car I drive.  Never.  What will matter is that I spent time with my kids, my husband and my father in his last years.  What will matter is that my kids don't see me preaching one thing to them, but striving for another.  I am in a hard place right now (I  would put it up there with my Mother and Brother passing away), but it is a joyful place at the same time because I have had to give it ALL over to God and just let go........

This Old House

The Brown House:  (click this link)

Yes, folks it is true.  After falling in LOVE with this historical home and then spending almost 6 years of blood, sweat and tears (oh and a ton of money) renovating it, we are putting it on the market.

We covet your prayers as we try and sell......

Much love and a big hug to all ~

Melissa B.

Times they are a changing.....

Well, our house is on the market as of today.  Times are tough.  Not just for us, but for many of our friends.  SO, we have decided to TRY and sell the house and downsize.  I have spent about two weeks purging all the STUFF that we have.  Stuff in closets, stuff in drawers, stuff in attics, stuff in sheds, man do we have a lot of stuff!  Ridiculous really.  I feel so much lighter in spirit knowing that I have gotten rid of things that I did not use and probably never needed to begin with.   Time to lighten the load which in turn lightens the spirit.  :)   I realized I had been holding on to stuff of my mom's and brother's that I needed to let go of.  Why is it that holding on to a physical possession of a lost loved one, makes me feel better?  I am sure it made me feel closer to them in some way, but I made the plunge and tossed things away.  Healing.  Peace. Growth.  Always a journey.  So, as I get ready to hit the couch with my beloved Kindle I send a prayer, thought, whatever it may be called to my Granny, my uncles and aunts, Momma and Jeff that 'I love them' and crave the day I run to them and hug them tight.  Peace.

Perspective - A View or Vista

My week started off badly due to my father's diagnosis of Parkinson's Disease on Tuesday.   I was very shaken while watching my father undergo the testing and realizing that he was testing positive for Parkinson's on all the tests.   It was hard to even finish out work that day, but I kept trying to focus on the fact that we now have a true diagnosis and that he was able to be put on medicine to help stop the symptoms.  On top of that we have been trying to get an old truck we have up and running for Jacob to drive now that he has his license.   Money is very tight and there seems to be many things that need to be fixed - one after the other.

And now it is Friday and our beautiful South has been ravaged and devastated by massives storms with a death count this morning of 297 which is expected to rise.  We have all seen the incredible video footage and pictures and I have talked to a few people in areas that were hit.   The destruction is unreal.   And, SO, once again I have been given perspective.  

Funny, I have been begging and pleading with God the past month or so to speak to me.  To settle my soul regarding certain family concerns, church concerns, and financial concerns and as I awoke this morning I realized that this was my answer - perspective.  Yes, my dad's condition is not great, but he has lived a long life.   Yes, my children may not always act the way I think they should, but they are healthy and strong and overall, good kids with incredibly good hearts.   Yes, our finances may not be in great shape, but we have a home, food, and power!   Perspective.  I suppose sometimes all I really need is just a good dose of it!

Come to Me with Empty Hands

Come to me with empty hands and an open heart, ready to receive abundant blessings.  I know the depth and breadth of your neediness.  Your life-path has been difficult, draining you of strength.  Come to Me for nurture.  Let Me fill you up with my Presence:  I in you and you in Me.  My Power flows most freely into weak ones aware of their need fr Me.  Faltering steps of dependence are not lack of faith; they are links to My Presence.

Excerpt from 'Jesus Calling'.

Good Friday, 30-Hour Famine and Easter!

Well, this will be my 5th year helping lead our Youth through World Vision's 30-Hour Famine and I am so excited!  We will  begin fasting at noon on Good Friday and continue our fast through 6 p.m. on Saturday evening.   Please pray for our youth and leaders that we would feel the Spirit's presence with us as we go without food for 30 hours and also that we would raise a sizeable donation for World Vision.  

It is going to be an amazing weekend!  Spending time with our youth, Good Friday service Friday night, service projects on Saturday and ultimately communion together and breaking our fast on Saturday evening. 

All of this blessing leading up to the greastest day of the year - EASTER!   We will be traveling as a family to Nashville on Sunday to spend Easter with my sister, so I will have to miss the Youth that are going to be making professions of faith this Sunday and also being baptized Sunday afternoon.   Know that I will be there with you in spirit and in prayer.   Believe it or not, I was going to get dunked Sunday also, but spending Easter as a family is tradition.  God is faithful and I know He will open up another opportunity for me to make the journey of "immersion" in the future. 

Blessings to all this Easter weekend and remember that Jesus paid it all and set us free!   Love ~  Melissa

Seasons

Not sure if anyone follows my blog anymore or not, but for anyone out there who might be reading:

My dad is coming home from Nashville back to his house in Winchester.   :)   This means that he has made it through the hardest part of his recovery and is on the mend!  Praise God for restoring his health and bringing us all through this trial. 

Life is full of so many trials.   This should not be a surprise to us - the Bible told us it would be this way.   Our job is to figure out how to navigate through our trials, do what we can to make our way through them and leave the rest to God.  Life is hard.  Our family seems to have been through MANY trials the past few years and I often wonder how much more we can bear, but then I stop and think of those people who are suffering major trials in life - the death of a child, the terminal illness of a loved one, a family member away at war.......and I am forced to stop and be grateful - to count my blessings.

I am in a very hard place right now.  A place of decisions.   A place of trying to decide what is best for my children.  A place of feeling like I am alone with no support.  It is a hard place to be.  But, we all come to a point in life that we have to do what we know is right for us.  A place where we quit trying to live for others expectations of us. 

I have made so many mistakes in my life and REALLY "should have listened to my mother".   Funny how we learn that way too late in life, isn 't it?   There is so much irony in the fact that we don't listen to our mother's advice until we ourselves become mothers.   But, I am learning to forgive myself and to let go of my guilt and my burdens and to realize that God's grace abounds.   His grace is never ending.  His love for me is even bigger than that!  Thank goodness, because I need to know that.  I embrace it and cling to it right now and it is what helps me through every day. 

My sister and I are moving into a new season of life right now with taking care of an aging parent and I am moving into a new season of my life with raising teenagers and the increasing possibility that we will be downsizing our home fairly soon if possible.   Life changes, and with that change many times comes difficulty and I praise God that I have faith.  I simply do not know how people get by without it.

My blog today was more therapy than anything and for anyone who happens to read I hope you glean something from my babbling.   Love to all ~ 

“Remember to be gentle with yourself and others. We are all children of chance and none can say why some fields will blossom while others lay brown beneath the August sun. Care for those around you. Look past your differences. Their dreams are no less than yours, their choices no more easily made. And give, give in any way you can, of whatever you posses. To give is to love. To withhold is to wither. Care less for your harvest than for how it is shared and your life will have meaning and your heart will have peace.”

Love

I am endlessly amazed by the people who only show love to others based on the conditions they place upon them.   This concept confuses me and I have never understood it.  I so many times have seen it cause hurt to others and also the name of "Christianity".   

I pray today that we would all show the love of Christ and not our own self-centered love. 

1 Corinthians 13:1-13
If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing. Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful;

“But groundless hope, like unconditional love, is the only kind worth having.”

The Coma and a Vessel of Mercy

The past 6 weeks have held MANY challenges for my father, my family and myself.  In order to spare you all the details, let's just start with "my dad had a bad fall" and go from there.  After the fall he had to undergo surgery on his brain in order to release a build up of fluid and blood.  This is a fairly common surgery performed by neurologists and we knew he would spend a few days in the hospital, but NEVER did we expect what actually happened.  We took my Dad to the hospital, spent some time in the pre-op dressing room joking around with him and praying over him and told him "bye" as he headed off for surgery.   We met him in a room after recovery and talked to him a bit and decided to leave the hospital for him to get some rest.   This is when our world as we knew it turned upside down.

My dad suffered post-operative seizures that left him in a coma for 10 days.   He developed pneumonia during that time and had to be placed on a ventilator in order to get adequate oxygen to his lungs for healing.  The outlook was bleak in our eyes, although the neurologist kept telling us to pray and that he was optimistic.  So pray we did and I mean we PRAYED!!

On day 9 of my dad being unconscious, they began to talk to us about the possibility of a feeding tube and performing a tracheotomy.  My sister and I discussed the issues and decided that a feeding tube was not an option and I prepared myself for the worst, for you see I had already been down this road with my brother and it was long, hard, dark and ended in having to tell my brother goodbye.  

Day 10:  I walked into ICU to talk with the nurses and physicians and see my Dad.   Imagine my surprise when I got into the ICU unit and my Dad's nurse said "your dad is waking up.  His eyes are open."  And, she wasn't kidding.  My dad was waking up and not only waking up, but trying to talk and pull his ventilator tube out.  PRAISE GOD doesn't even capture the joy I felt - as a matter of fact, I don't think I would be able to put into words the way my heart and soul felt at that moment and the moments following when I was there to watch my Dad come back around.  

But, this isn't even the most amazing part.  The most amazing part was my Dad's telling Chris and I (and the next day telling my sister and her family) that he had been in heaven.   He had seen my Mother and he had seen Jeff.  He had been there with them........and that my friends is where my story of healing begins.   I hope to be able to put into words the way God used that experience to heal a huge hole in my heart.  I pray I will be able to verbalize it in a way I can share with those around me.  I want to testify to God's grace and mercy in my life and also in the life of my family through this entire experience.   So, for now, let's just say this story is to be continued............

I Never Win Anything!

Wanted to share a great post by my friend Julie this morning.  Once, again I PLAN on getting back to blogging soon.  I have a LOT to share, trust me.  God has been showing me so much - He is good that way!   :)    But, for now, please read Julie's post from today.  So challenging and true.........

His Love Extended Ministries